Bacon Day was thought up by two the greatest mind of the 17th century; Danya "D" Goodman and Meff "Human Cannonball" Leonard. These are their stories, including the story of the birth of Bacon Day.


Danya "Like Tonya with a D" Goodman:

This is Danya's first semester at Wellesley College and boy what a semester it has been! In the few short months she's been here, she's managed to start her own death metal band (Bloody Fusion) and get a record contract. She will be touring during winter session. In Bloody Fusion, Danya is a raging psychotic vocalist and a furious master of the haw harp. Out of the band she is known for her philosophical conversation, with such topics as "Do you like me shoes?" "Flowers are pretty", and "what smells funny?" Acting experience includes minor roles in several high school plays, the host of one of those food dehydrator infomercials, 2 appearances as white trash on the Jerry Springer Show and 4 years of lying to her parents about the tattoo of Satan stretched across her back.


Meff "Who's Gots 'Da Beef" Leonard

Meff Leonard was born Jesus Stalin McCarthy in Moscow, Wisconsin on Dec. 22, 1782. A precocious child, she was voted, "Most likely to kill an unarmed man while driving a tractor" in her junior high yearbook. After graduating from high school, she went on to live an interesting and multifaceted life in her head. Her many psychological vacations included living as an Arab man for 5 years, stalking Buster Poindexter for a brief time in the late 1980's, and claiming she was Joan of Arc's dog in a past life. Since then, Meff sightings have been reported all over the world, usually in conjunction with mass cult suicides.


The Story of Bacon Day

One upon a time, there was much chaos in the land Meff and D. You see, all of their friends celebrated different winter holidays. This led to much confusion. One day, they decided they needed someway to party in December without offending anyone. They needed a celebration that would include everyone in the festivities (something besides just getting drunk and naked in the woods). D said, "let's celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ." But they soon found out that was already done.

Then suddenly, they realized something that bonded everyone together, in intimacy so tight that even petroleum jelly couldn't have made the world's people slip away from each other. This incredible tightness was the mutual worship of the greatest creation on this planet.

The Simpsons.

Upon reaching this epiphany, Meff and D promptly took naps. When Meff awoke and stopped scratching, she remember another fondness of hers. Breaking sacred cultural laws that have been upheld by her peopl for thousands of years.This revelation birthed a new holiday; Shellfish Day. That was a flop due to the lack of Simpsons references in regards to shellfish, and the fact that shellfish just wasn't funny enough.

Another epiphany promptly entered the room and slapped both D and Meff in their well sculpted Jew faces. "Yo" the epiphany said. "Pork is funny. Hahhaa. Get it?" On this day, Bacon Day was born. Now, every December 30th, throngs of people from all over congregate to celebrate the beauty of this fine pork product, including Meff, D and other assorted epiphanies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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